Weddings and Dating

I have been attending alot of weddings this past year ! and every single bit gets to me...but especially the father daughter dance! I always think about when Me and Mike talked about that special moment where he would dance or give our daughters their spouses hand in marraige . It immediately tugs at my heart that my girls will never experience that with their dad.Even dating! We would always joke and say how we were in soooo much trouble with 3 little girls on our hands. They would be called "The Peterson sisters" LOL we would always talk about dating and how strict he would be considering we had been together since I was 13 years old. I said you will obviously have some compassion for the poor guy ;) he just laughed ha!

Anyways the thoughts and memories that flow through me about the special bond Mike had with the girls will always tug at my heart. I am saddend that my girls will miss out on so much with such a wonderful father they had.

Did I die the moment he did? I dont feel like the same person I once was...

I dont recognize myself.I feel like a horrible person with out Mike, like he took all the good with him. It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ME again.

Ive become very defensive and feel like the whole world hates me,and in response i show hate back. This is NOT me! at all !

I used to be the one person  who was never negative who always put others before my own and did so much through out the day, the one people wanted to be around, and now i dont even want to spend the day with myself. My fear is my girls wont either.

They are getting older and I am feeling more and more alone as time passes and hating myself more and more as each day passes.I dislike myself.I seriously think the good in me died when Mike did. He was my happiness and Joy and now hes gone. So am I.... well at least the person I liked.