Holiday Season at DisneylandSo magical to spend it with those I love

Amazing time in toon town with my favorite girls !

Trolly time with Darren, too bad the guy wasnt actually there to ride it ;)

 Christmas Tree!!!
the last time I got a REAL Christmas tree I was a little girl. But this year my boyfriend wanted to get us girls a Christmas tree! We were so thrilled because we have never had one at my own place because we would usually just do the tree at my moms house but it was also synthetic. So this is my very first tree in my own place with my family and a new special man :)  He also put up the lights on my house and it looks so pretty and It makes me so excited for this Christmas. It is great that I am able to share it with someone who cares for me and my girls as much as he does. I am so blessed and look foward to the New Year ahead.

" I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future" -Jeremiah 29:11

 Woman's Christmas Dinner 2010 at CCMV
What an amazing time with amazing woman. I am so glad that this year I had brought me dear best friend Helaina. She has been such a rock in my healing process and such a beautiful christian woman.

The tables were so beautiful, and over flowing with sparkle and shine.
The message of our Savior was amazing and I was honored to be apart of such an amazing event with friends and family. Every year  just seems to get better and better. Thank you Jesus for giving me such a beautiful family in your name. 


Let us not give up meetign together,as some are in the habit of doing,but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the day approaching.
-Hebrews 10:25

Holiday Season

 Thanksgiving has come and gone and I think this year has hit me harder than past years. I was full of emotion and emptiness.I did get through it and tried to make the best of the situation and though I am deeply grateful for my blessings, It doesn't ease the pain of losing my husband and memories just flow through me of  having that perfect day with him and the excitement of cooking together and getting ready together. I miss it. And now that I have survived another Thanksgiving I will now go on and conquer the Christmas season and the New Year that is to come. Every moment is hard. Especially dealing with the memories and watching all the happy families share in their joy with their loved ones, and making such special memories with their husbands and other kids wrapping their arms around their dads and having that special man in their lives.It just doesn't seem fair. But I know God has a plan for us widows and that I am not alone in these feelings. I have recently met some amazing widows who have the same emotions and feelings that I am going through. They have been such an amazing support system and blessing in my widowhood journey. So as we go on this holiday season let us rejoice in the life we were given and for the life of our Lord Jesus Christ.

                  "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says   the Lord who has compassion on you!
- Isaiah 54:10

Happy Birthday Dad

Katelyn and Maddie blowing out daddy's candles

Happy Birthday Dad!!!! We love you and miss you!!!!! We baked the cake and blew out the candles for you, We know you were with us that day, love YOU!

Beautiful Girls who absolutely love their Daddy

October

     Well its that time of the year again, October ! A time that reflects of what have I actually done with another year of my life and a life that was once hear and now gone. My birthday is this month and as was Mike's. This time of the year always leaves me so numb, just as April does.

       I often wonder how long will I celebrate another year of my life. Mike was 25 when he last celebrated the day of his life here. He would be turning 28 this year. Its so hard for me to think how much time has already passed. It is in a blink of an eye that we are here and gone. I cant help but think of that I am about to pass Mikes age of death by 2 years! thats 2 years he didnt get,2 years without seeing his girls grow. But yet here I am about to be 27 living,breathing, and seeing what this world has offered. When will our time be? You never know.So this month especially I think about Life and how precious it is and how we must embrace every moment and let others know of your love and the love our heavenly father. We our given the gift of life,Lets use it to spread the word of our EVERLASTING God! I know Mike did,and how many lives he has blessed with his time here on earth and I know that I am to continue on in spreading the word of our Lord. So as we are on fire for the Lord, let us spread his word like a wildfire. 

                                           Be blessed in his name!

Happy Birthday Mike! October 12,1982

Your life here on earth has made such an impact on our loved ones. And your life in heaven has made even a bigger one! I Love you!!!!

Weddings and Dating

I have been attending alot of weddings this past year ! and every single bit gets to me...but especially the father daughter dance! I always think about when Me and Mike talked about that special moment where he would dance or give our daughters their spouses hand in marraige . It immediately tugs at my heart that my girls will never experience that with their dad.Even dating! We would always joke and say how we were in soooo much trouble with 3 little girls on our hands. They would be called "The Peterson sisters" LOL we would always talk about dating and how strict he would be considering we had been together since I was 13 years old. I said you will obviously have some compassion for the poor guy ;) he just laughed ha!

Anyways the thoughts and memories that flow through me about the special bond Mike had with the girls will always tug at my heart. I am saddend that my girls will miss out on so much with such a wonderful father they had.

Did I die the moment he did? I dont feel like the same person I once was...

I dont recognize myself.I feel like a horrible person with out Mike, like he took all the good with him. It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ME again.

Ive become very defensive and feel like the whole world hates me,and in response i show hate back. This is NOT me! at all !

I used to be the one person  who was never negative who always put others before my own and did so much through out the day, the one people wanted to be around, and now i dont even want to spend the day with myself. My fear is my girls wont either.

They are getting older and I am feeling more and more alone as time passes and hating myself more and more as each day passes.I dislike myself.I seriously think the good in me died when Mike did. He was my happiness and Joy and now hes gone. So am I.... well at least the person I liked.

An Amazing Guy!!

Who would have ever thought that a 22 year old guy at the time, would even want anything to do with a mother of 3 widow ?? I dont think I will ever get it!

But just consider myself truly blessed :)

Darren you are an amazing man and I am such a lucky girl to have you by our sides

A sweet blessing in our life

Darren and I met at Calvary Chapel at the Young Adults Study.But officially met through a friend of ours Josh Carlson at CCMV Christmas Dinner,he was a server. It was actually pretty funny because the young adults all went out a night after the study to BJ's for some food and he came late and sat on Josh's lap lol

I asked Darren If he wanted to go to the gym, because he was the only one that had a membership.We met the next day there, and it just became a tradition to do so, but ended up talking more than working out lol We somehow always went to Walmart after,Which is actually where I met and ran into Dawn and Mike Sevoian. Little did I know that he would became one of my bestfriends and we hung out almost everyday after that.

Well thats where that story begins :)

A Quick Timeline to Catch you up

JAN 2,1998 -Started dating Michael Neal Peterson <3
MARCH 4,2001 -Had our first daughter Katelyn Faith

AUGUST 19,2002-Had our second daughter Maddie Hope

June 2,2003 - Married my bestfriend in the world <3 January 10,2005-Had our third daughter Kali Love

April 24,2008- The day our lives were changed forever.

The Call,Telling the girls,losing reality,how to go on,what now,the who,what,when where,why?

This day was the day me and my girls lost the Man in our lives. He was on his way home from work when he was in a horrible accident with a semi truck,which struck fire.He was pronounced dead at the scene at 3:10 pm

I remember talking to him probably about a half hour before the accident.He always called to tell me he was on his way home.

I called him again while I was waiting at the girls school to pick them up. He never answered.I tried all day and night long, and nothing.I was very worried by this point.I had tried and call his work to see if he was called back in for a second shift.They said they would call me back.

It was around 10:30pm when they had called and told me that my husband had gotten into a horrible accident.I remember thinking ok,which hospital is he at so I can go see him. Never in a million years did I expect her to say he was pronounced dead at the scene. My heart dropped and my body froze, I can never explain what I felt like at that moment.

It was late at night and I was alone in our house with my girls in their rooms sleeping. I just wanted to get off the phone! When I hung up.I walked in the girls room and just started crying,trying not to wake them up.

A million feelings and thoughts were going through me.

I immediately called mine and his family.

Cops were over shortly and family as well.

They sat me down and gave me the details.They handed me his wedding ban and asked if I could identify what it had engraved on it. I was hoping they had the wrong person.But it was him.

Alot of what they said and asked that night was a blur.

I know that the next morning was the hardest thing, feeling it all over again and knowing that I would have to tell our daughters that their dad would not be coming back. How do you prepare for a conversation like that....

There is so much more that I can say, but for now this is what was the beginning.

I will add more later when I have the strength to do so....

Ok so I could not sleep tonight so thought id try to blog some more while I have the time and will to do so.

So later that day I had sat our girls in a circle on my bedroom floor and with my mind and body quenching at the thought of even telling my young little girls that dad had got into a car crash and wasn't coming home and is in heaven now.There faces crushed my heart,I could see their bodies freeze as I told them them that their dad was gone.Immediately Maddie ran out crying to the backyard to her grandma(Mike's mom)My heart broke yet again.I couldn't believe I was telling our precious girls this horrid news.I didn't feel like the protective mom that I was supposed to be, the one that never wants harm on her kids,and instead I was the one that crushed their hearts.It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced.

Katelyn was 7 at the time,Maddie 5,and Kali 3